Dating should be purposeful. We should date to find the person that we want to spend our lives with. But there are other things that God wants for us in our lives. Marriage is just one of those many things. When we only focus on finding a partner, when we put all other things in life on hold, we may be giving up incredible opportunities that God has for us.
So if I could give advice to myself, my peers, and younger men and women (yes, this is not just a call out to young women, this is about young men too), this is what I would offer.
Your date-ability is determined by the One who created you, not by the measure of another person. The first time someone told you that your value is in Christ alone, did you believe it? For some, it just takes one instance, and for others they have to learn what value and identity in Christ mean. Because I know that my worth is in Christ, I am fulfilled in a way that can't be taken away or matched by a person. So I don't need to date a handful of guys to know that I am worthy of dating. More dating does not make you better at dating - it is not something you need to gain experience in. Dating boy or girl A will not prepare you to date boy or girl B. If you are not approaching each relationship you have in your life as individual, you may be setting yourself up for an unhealthy relationship.
Take the stigmas off of singleness. Singleness is not a disease. It is not a situation. It does not need to be remedied. If you are using single and taken as the predominant markers of your identity, then you are in crisis. You have to have your own identity - know who you are - before you enter into a relationship with another person. Constantly being on the search for a relationship, or constantly being in relationships can stifle that self-discovery process that God guides us each through. We end up spending more time discovering others that we are a stranger to our own hearts and our own gifts and callings. As I mentioned previously, dating does not give you more experience. In the same way, not dating does not atrophy your heart muscle, or your ability to be thoughtful and romantic. The movies will sell us this idea that you can be "out of practice" if you haven't dated in a while. A first date is always going to make you nervous and excited. You are approaching a new situation - you should feel like you are exploring and getting to know things all over again.
Think about your environment and the atmosphere of your friendships. Have you ever seen someone you know, a friend of yours, and instead of asking you about how you are doing, the first thing they ask you about is another person, maybe your girlfriend/boyfriend? It feels like they don't care about you. They care about the latest updates on your relationship. When you sit down to lunch with a friend, is the first thing you talk about dating, their relationships, your relationships? It takes away your individuality and their individuality.
Is your school one of those "ring by spring" schools? That is an unfair expectation and an unnecessary pressure. Marriage is not the sole purpose of your life, it should not be the sole purpose of your education.
Take your time; accumulate some "when we were dating" stories. There is no rush. You are never too old to get married or to start a new relationship. When I am with friends later in life, or when I have children someday, I want to be able to tell them "when we were dating" stories. Not just one or two stories, but a bunch of them. There is something that is different about a dating story, that a newly married story. There is a different element of excitement. I also want to be able to tell my husbands stories. Not just a few, but a bunch. I really want to know about his life before we share our life together.
~SP
Take the stigmas off of singleness. Singleness is not a disease. It is not a situation. It does not need to be remedied. If you are using single and taken as the predominant markers of your identity, then you are in crisis. You have to have your own identity - know who you are - before you enter into a relationship with another person. Constantly being on the search for a relationship, or constantly being in relationships can stifle that self-discovery process that God guides us each through. We end up spending more time discovering others that we are a stranger to our own hearts and our own gifts and callings. As I mentioned previously, dating does not give you more experience. In the same way, not dating does not atrophy your heart muscle, or your ability to be thoughtful and romantic. The movies will sell us this idea that you can be "out of practice" if you haven't dated in a while. A first date is always going to make you nervous and excited. You are approaching a new situation - you should feel like you are exploring and getting to know things all over again.
Think about your environment and the atmosphere of your friendships. Have you ever seen someone you know, a friend of yours, and instead of asking you about how you are doing, the first thing they ask you about is another person, maybe your girlfriend/boyfriend? It feels like they don't care about you. They care about the latest updates on your relationship. When you sit down to lunch with a friend, is the first thing you talk about dating, their relationships, your relationships? It takes away your individuality and their individuality.
Is your school one of those "ring by spring" schools? That is an unfair expectation and an unnecessary pressure. Marriage is not the sole purpose of your life, it should not be the sole purpose of your education.
Take your time; accumulate some "when we were dating" stories. There is no rush. You are never too old to get married or to start a new relationship. When I am with friends later in life, or when I have children someday, I want to be able to tell them "when we were dating" stories. Not just one or two stories, but a bunch of them. There is something that is different about a dating story, that a newly married story. There is a different element of excitement. I also want to be able to tell my husbands stories. Not just a few, but a bunch. I really want to know about his life before we share our life together.
~SP
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